Election Day Advice!

Dear Greta,

I'm a first time voter and I'm bewildered by all of the political propaganda! McCain reminds me of oatmeal and I think Obama is hot and all, but is it really OK to vote for a socialist terrorist arab muslim crack-dealing half-breed? Personally, I'd like him to have more experience in professional sports, or acting! Greta, come Tuesday when you're in that cutey little changing booth, who are you going to vote for?

Readers,

Okay, whoa, hold those sweet little unicorns back here for just one second. Elections season is here already? Jesus, I was wondered why everyone was so concerned with Muslims again. So, hold up, let’s get our ducks straight. We have a choice between three candidates: Dean McCain, Brak Obama, and Olympia Dukakis. Personally, I don’t trust Dean McCain; after all, he did play Scott Peterson in that TV movie (but who could forget his memorable stint as TV’s Superman?). And it’s nice to see that Olympia Dukakis hasn’t given up her dream of becoming president but, really, who wants an old whore like that to be president? Not this old whore! So, I guess that leaves me with Mr. Brak Obama. I trust cartoon characters with my life (plus, his little friend Zorak makes me a little humid in the nether regions).

My name is Greta Derwinklestein and I support Brak Obama!